Her hair tie on my wrist...

Her hair tie on my wrist,

I wear it every time I get a chance.

It smells like her.

Whenever her clumsiness rises to the peak

And she drops it,

I pick it up and wear it on my wrist.

When she is eating and

her hair gets in the way,

I slowly hold her hair and tuck it up

With the same hairtie.

I have a lot to wear on my wrist.

Used to wear a watch but

Now I long to wear her hairtie

No matter how many people laugh at me

I still wanna feel that hairtie on my skin.

I feel her warmth whenever I wear that.

I loved my watch but

Her hairtie on my wrist

When will I wear it...

Destiny plays with my heart like anything...

I want that scrunchie to crush my soul

And mold it to form a new soul

That understands her better.

I wanna hold her heels

when it's hurting her.

Her hairtie on my wrist,

Oh it smells so good.

-Yatika Jena

If I go on a hundred battles.

If I decide to go on hundred battles, will you still love me,

If I loose all of them, will you still love me.

If my body will be scarred after coming from the battlefield, will you still kiss me.

Will you love me if I loose the most important battle of my life.

If each battle will take longer than a decade , will you still wait for me.

My feet are swollen from walking...can you please buy a pair of shoes for me? 

A pair of shoes made of beautiful praises which will only belong to me...

                                                                                                          -Yatika Jena

A "try hard"

 Yes , I'm a "try hard". I try hard in fact very hard and then fail miserably. I don't know where I am going. I just want to derive meaning from every minute of my life which is too much I know. How do I change myself...any suggestions?

They say that don't you worry, people turn rocks to things that shine. I don't know how accurate that is but I believe it.

Morals of a software developer.

What are the morals of a software developer?

What are we?

Segregated into people who wanna make projects for their resume and the people who wanna make a product which solves a valid problem and may be make life a bit easier to live (we know it's hard to live and it's only gonna get harder as we grow older)

I feel like a person who somewhat lacks the skills to develop such a product but is eager to learn from anyone.

Thoughts of mine weaved into a product to give soothing vibes to my inner self but what about the reality...I feel like a person who's personality and mindset changes every semester. As the uni goes by, I'm maybe becoming a person I never thought I'd be but yeah the waves are taking each one of us on different paths where we didn't want to swim but at some point we'll connect the dots together and will know that the trains that leaved our station were actually not meant for us and we boarded the right train...

As we go in this journey of software development,  some products that we will develop will be appreciated by the whole world and some products will just be thrown in trash (no one will see how much effort you've put into that project, If the user doesn't like it...it's a piece of trash)

Running in the backfield of destiny, we grow in a world created in our minds where we are the problem solvers and people preach our product. 

We can only hope to end up in places where there is an environment which fosters the learners , connect us with people who hold the same moral ethics of a software developer as us and the most important thing...work on projects which are worth our time.

So...let's connect and build something great together. ❤️ 

(You know I feel that universe just makes you cross paths with right people at the right time so we don't have to worry. I know I'm delusional :)

what's happening to me? Am I ...crazy?

Anyways, thanks for reading.

Do I even deserve this?

What is happening in my life? Even I don't know at this point. I think god is planning a grand failure for me. He knows that I don't deserve this but he is still giving me big hopes so that may be sooner or later those hopes will be crushed and I will come back to my senses. 

I hope he better not give me any hopes so that the failure that's gonna come will be a bit bearable for me. 

Just don't show me a path where I will hurt others and they will never trust me after that. Don't push me to walk on a path which looks glamorous but soon the people walking on that path will realise that I don't deserve to walk on that path.

I just want to fail alone, I don't wanna be the cause of others' failures.

Should I kill my past ?

 today was a really hard day. I hope I can catch my past and kill it someday otherwise it's gonna kill me. 

Making a rock that everyone will come to find...

a rock that is covered with algae will soon become the shiniest rock that everyone will beg to see and measure it's smoothness. it's edge would cut every possible shiny rock into pieces. The rock will be small but would have a density of something you can't even imagine.

Just waiting for that one project to hit me and clear out all the dirt on my body...

Getting inspired by dank memes and big dreams.

- Yatika Jena 

GAZE.

A gaze that looks upon

The teary eyes

Saying goodbyes 

To all the vows it took

For the young blood

That flowed in the veins

Of the fetus...

A gaze that knows...

That knows those eyes were blurred 

By all the failures it had seen 

And the grand failure

that was yet to come... 

But why is the gaze still on those eyes?

Why is still a hopeless hope left 

In those eyes,

In that body that died long ago. 

That gaze is a thing of beauty 

But a fling of heaviness

That crushes the tiny shoulders 

Which once were proudly straight.

Why is everything so baffling?

Why are the dreams crumbling?

Why is the gaze still on those eyes?

A gaze that looks upon

The teary eyes

Saying goodbyes 

To all the vows it took

For the young blood

That flowed in the veins

Of the fetus...

                                            - Yatika Jena 💭

Dragging Feet In The Sand Of Time.

 The way you are...

The way you like to be...

Are complete parallel universes

And you know that,

Glad to hear that.

But there is something like that...

Like that stuff which you would say

To your soul every passing time..

The scenes you saw

Are just a mere reflection 

Of the hollowness 

You carry in yourself 

Coz you are the only one

believing in that...

In that theory of reciprocation 

Just to take out your frustration 

And people around you

don't need illustration.

Your pain camouflages

With people's mockery 

And your laugh stages 

To the bottom of your fears .

No matter how hard you try,

How hard you manifest 

Some stories need to be untold,

Some tears need to be fallen

Some pain must be your threshold 

Until your skin is swollen.

These feet wanna create history 

But are dragging themselves 

in the sands of time

for they don't know 

the shape in this sand 

is created when they are still.

Far across the sky,

I look for that cloud 

Which smiles back at me

And says 

"My child! You are doing absolutely fine!!"

                                                                                        - YATIKA JENA

                                         

                                           

UNTIL THE END.

 You are...

You are that phoenix which rises

From the darkest of darks,

Saved yourself from the sharks

Won't die till the success' dog barks.

With a million sighs,

Painting dreams in your lil eyes...

But always they get dried

From hot aqua flowing from those eyes...

Those eyes who were always seeing the pinnacle.

What will be there?

Well..

A house where the birds 

Who were there for phoenix

till that knife stabbed in her heart was out,

would live happily.

They would see the phoenix.... 

fly high above the sky.

Where is the road?

Where does it leads to?

Will there be dogs of peace barking upon her?

Or a tree blossomed with flowers of success

welcome her?

Little does the phoenix knows 

And the birds...

And now...

seeing the canvas get torn 

From others thorn..

But still she will be there

With a knife stabbed in her heart

Coz, there is something..

Something for every phoenix 

at the end of the road

      

                                      

                                                                                            - Yatika Jena

HE.

What's about to come in my life?

Is my gut feeling right ?

Or is it just my pseudo feelings 

Trying to cover me

And making me drown down 

The river of expectations.

Who is he?

Is he the one made for me?

How's he like?

How am I gonna meet him again?

When will that cherry blossom fall on me?

Can I read the book called "My Destiny "?

How are we gonna survive ?

Will he sing my favourite song?

Will he give his cold shoulder to me to cry on?

Will he make me believe that I do belong there?

Will he love those sides of me which I've hated myself?

How will I bury my feelings for now?

Why do I always see him at my worst days?

When my hair is undone,

When my eyes are swollen from the tears,

When my face is all boated from the insults 

I gave myself,

When I dress up like a beggar to beg for approval.

Whenever I hit the lows,

Why do I see him...

For godsake why ?

Is the universe giving me a sign?

Is he bound to see me

As who I am

And not the stronger version of me

Which I show to everyone else.

Is it just because I'm an

Emotional fool who dreams 'bout love

By listening to love songs.

Will he ever make me feel like I feel when I

Listen to my favourite songs?

Will he ever know That I was enchanted to meet him?

I wish this was the very first page and

Not where the storyline ends.

My thoughts will always echo his name.

We'll meet where the spirit meets the bone.

Will my pain fit in the palm 

of his freezing hands?

Please stop putting roots in my dreamland,

My house of stone, his ivy grows.

Gonna ask myself this question 

For the millionth time...

How is he like?

Is he also a fool like me?

Will he too laugh at my childish beliefs?

Maybe he will...

All I've seen till now is his flaws,

But...

But why am I only thinking 'bout him?

Will he also heal from his past someday?

And then we will meet again on one fine day.

We met by the randomness of this world

And if God allows,

We'll meet again 

And at that time...

We'll stay.

                                                                                                    - YATIKA JENA

NOTE- So some of the lines here are a reference to some of my all time favourites. This is not any kind of plagiarism and I just want to give credits to the original artist. Enchanted, Ivy by Taylor Swift always feed my delusions :)